Thank You For Calling

A short by: Ronnie

Beeeeeeeep.

“Thank you for calling Prodigus, my name is Mike. In order to better assist you, may I please have the member’s ID number?”

5 seconds.

“Oh give me just a second. I just plugged that number into your silly computer phone system.”

“Sorry about that ma’am. The part of my computer that makes that information automatically pop up isn’t working right now.” Maybe if they got me out of this damn training room half the apps I need to do this job would work properly.

35 seconds.

“If you ask me, that computer is just too confusing. It took me twenty minutes just to get through that computer woman and get you to answer the phone.”

50 seconds.

“I apologize for that ma’am. I know that the automatic system can sometimes be difficult to get through. It’s actually designed to make things faster.” In reality, Mike had no clue. He’s never actually had to call his employer, nor would he ever. He has to feed them what they want to hear. How else is he supposed to get them off the phone in less than 420 seconds?

Allow myself...to introduce myself...

By: Juliana

No longer able to contain her thoughts, she speaks. The Ideal Reader will no longer contain a single voice, but two. From the start, this blog was something that Ronnie had always wanted us to do together, but I was reluctant. For a long time I have had things I wanted to say, but never had the “cojones” (figuratively and literally), to do so.

So, who am I, you may ask. Well for those who read and don’t know, I am Ronnie’s fiancé. The ying to his yang, the dose of reality to his fanatic dream (and vice-versa). My name is Juliana Wright, and I have some disappointing news. I cannot offer the fun, original, raw writings that Ronnie has given you so far. But I can tell you this. I can offer you an opinion, one like you may have not heard, that will be in unique layman’s terms. I promise for it not to be ignorant, but well informed and hopefully somewhat humorous. I chose to start writing on this blog for several reasons. Most importantly, I have a passion for so many things (politics, music, movies, etc.), but I can’t stand reading self-centered blogs about each subject.

I AM NOT A KNOW IT ALL and never will I be. But I try to stay well informed and like to think I can be somewhat witty. I often find I am looking for something that I would say myself. So I am going to start sharing some opinions. I feel that with Ronnie’s short stories, parsed with some little snippets about my version of what’s going on in the world, we can create something that is ideal for reading. I hope that you will enjoy! More substantive posts to come…

Peach Brandy: A Jack Baylor Adventure

A short by: Ronnie

I pulled on my snow boots, tucking them into the legs of my blue coveralls. Papa bought them for me, used, from an Army supply store. I’m not sure why he didn’t buy me camouflage or at least ones with a little more insulation. I never complained. The basement floor was freezing my ass despite the added layer of clothing. I slipped on my bright orange toboggan, tightened the Velcro around my gloves and slid my six-shooter cap gun, minus the caps, inside my belt. I tested my waterproof flashlight to ensure ample battery power and made my way out the door.

Old Blue was purring just outside our house, a modest home with off-white siding and brown shutters. My father built our house with his bare hands, often alone. Papa sat waiting in the driver’s seat chewing gum and smoking a Virginia Slim. Cindy and Sam were in the cage strapped in the bed of the pickup truck restless with anticipation. Steam billowed from their noses in the cool of the early evening. Cindy was a petite Black and Tan hound with a certain timidity until treeing a coon, transforming into a stone cold killer. Sam was colossal, a Walker dog from the bloodline of Papa’s one and only grand night champion, the fabled Patchy Scout.